I WILL NOT

I was scrolling through Pinterest at Benny's and we both saw this quote and were like 

wow. yep i needs this.

I have what I'm sure most other women have--an automatic comparing instinct. We all compare ourselves to people on the street, at church, and at school. Constantly ranking yourself below or above others. 

For me, the hardest is comparing myself to random people on the internet.

I just counted and I have....40 blogs that I follow(stalk).

A lot of these I have gone back to the very beginning of there blog and read each and every post. It's so interesting! I love reading other people's experiences, what they recommend/regret, and what they have been eating/wearing/doing-basically everything. 

If this counts as reading, whoa then, I do A LOT of reading. I'm not going to lie when I say every time I open my computer I open gmail, blogger, and twitter. Blogger is the most exciting to me though. I have a weird connection to these random people. It is kind of like with your favorite characters in a tv show. You start telling a story to a friend about a different "friend" and when they ask who it was you are utterly humiliated to say that you actually have never met this person, you just know everything about them....like their full name...and their husband's full name...and what city they live in, where they frequent, their wedding date, their dating story, and that you follow almost all of their relatives with blogs....yeahhhhh....

However, it is SO easy for me to start comparing.

The majority of them are Mormon as well. They are attending or have just graduated BYU. They have similar goals as me. Some of them have even graduated in degrees that at one point I had considered. 

But the hardest parts for me are:

1. They are perfect physically

I swear. All of them weigh 125 and are 5' 5". They all look amazing. Some have even had kids and they are still in great shape. And here I am in high school, still "young with a fast metabolism" and I'm nowhere near as fit and skinny.

2. They travel a ton

I am so jealous of them. Yes, Utah is a prime place to be because there are so many fun places so near. But then there are the people who are going to Europe and getting paid for it! Or are taking family vacations to Japan and Mexico, and the jealousy just increases. I see people going on humanitarian trips and missions and I just want to have their experiences! 

3. They have a never ending perfect wardrobe

Some are paid to wear brands, some are given clothes to model and promote, either way they look perfect. If I tried buying some of the things they wear I would not be able to go to college. Our Pinterests are filled with so many outfits that are adorable, the only difference is that they will buy a lot of those items and I won't buy any of them.

4. They appear to have no financial problems

Yes they have jobs, but they are glamorously planning weddings, working for google, housesitting millionaires, and creating art. All of which I would love to do! And more importantly they are getting paid more than $9 and hour and don't seem to have a care in the world while I'm stressing and recalculating the amount of money I can possibly make over the summer while still getting 6 hours of sleep.

5. Their weddings and relationships seem flawless

Most come from very wealthy families. I know I'm not poor, but I can't afford a $20,000 wedding. Not even a $10,000 wedding. I want to have those memories though. I want to have a fun, beautiful, unique wedding. And I don't want to be in a church building. I refuse. Their photos for their wedding are always beautiful and they often have videos to accompany them, but those photographers charge wayyy too much... And then their relationships. Dang. They love each other so much. And their husbands are perfect too and they take so many cute pictures and go on cute dates and I just don't understand.

So obviously I still care. A lot. But I am trying really hard to be realistic. Most of the people I follow are around 25-27. 

MIKAYLIE.

That is 8-10 years older than you!

You have so much time ahead of you.

Eight years ago I was 9. I can't even remember what I was doing when I was 9...then again I can barely remember yesterday...or even what I did this morning.

You have already done so much. More than so many people. And your plans are exciting too. And you will be married, and get a job that pays more than $9 an hour. 

And you can lose weight if you want to. You are holding yourself back. And you can be as happy as they seem. It's a choice.

And you have to realize that's how the APPEAR.

You are comparing your worst to their best. They probably have days where they put on the same pair of sweats for the third day straight, and haven't washed their hair, and just watch movies all day, and gorge on food and then forget they are even hungry. We all have those days right? 

We have plenty of time.

We have 10 years to get our life in order.

We can have adventures too.

We can be important too.

We can learn how to cook too, and dress cute, and exercise.

We can do this.

***lol. like how i referred to myself as "you", "i", and "we"? i am like my own personal cheerleader.