Thursday, July 21, 2016

And we are off...

Currently writing from the Seattle airport where I will be sleeping tonight haha. Oh the joys of travel. (That's another story I'll probably be posting later though.)

I'm in an airport and it still doesn't seem real--but also does at the same time...

For example, I can't even comprehend that I am going to Hawaii for college and school starts in a couple weeks...how did this even happen?? When did I all of a sudden grow up? I've been preparing for college my whole life. Not even kidding. I remember looking up scholarships at 12 (did not realize how much work they are though lol)! When did I all of a sudden become an adult? Someone who can now start doing all the things I've always read and dreamed about and added to my bucket list. I think I kind of just like doing things to surprise people and keep things interesting. I don't know if that is why I decided on Hawaii--just wanting to keep it interesting--but I just don't even know how I got here...

Sometimes you just surprise yourself I guess.

I guess the fact that I am actually growing up and moving out is almost surprising lol (because we all know I'm really really immature in lots of different ways). 

Benny leaving the same day as me definitely hit me hard though. 


A couple days before, all his siblings and I went out to dinner together. I feel like it was the last effort to do something together that was meaningful (because I mean we see them every day anyways haha). I would post the group pictures, but a strand of hair stuck to his shirt or something and it was perfectly horizontal. Like creepily sticking straight out! I can not post that picture until I photoshop it out because it weirds me out too much haha, so if the picture is there now, that's probably what the weird smeared look is because I suck at photoshop.

The night before he left we were all sitting in the living room just talking and eating really good brownies haha and different people would just start tearing up or full on crying. But at this point it hadn't really hit either of us so it was kind of just uncomfortable haha. I promise I'm not a completely soul-less person! As I was leaving it hit me though...Benny gave me a bouquet of roses and a personal letter and I gave him a little journal with a timeline of everything we have ever done with pictures. Also a few pairs of crazy socks which I don't even know/think they are allowed to wear, so I guess they are for really bad days. That's what I'd use them for anyways haha. They were legit though. Not going to lie. I started crying hysterically and he started crying and it was just a mess. I couldn't fall asleep till 3:30 and of course I woke up at 6:30--like every freaking day (I don't know why!!! Like almost on the dot. Everyday.) That's when it really sucked. I wish I could sleep in till noon...waking up early is great because it makes the day longer, but in this case it was awful because it made the day longer. I tried to stay busy and not think about it. I finished all of my PADI Scuba Certification, I took a nap, I ate, I went shopping with my grandma...I wasn't busy enough though. Every time I heard my phone go off it was like I had a heart attack. No joke. It physically hurt. I would forget that he couldn't text me and pick it up, but then remember it would never be from him.

COULD I BE ANY MORE DRAMATIC???

Ugh the emotions.

I really wanted to go back to his house all day. I had spent all summer there! I'm already homesick for not only my house, but his too! It sucks haha... Anyways I forgot to give my grandma the flowers to take to Wichita...I just really didn't want them to die all alone in an empty house. I am so pathetic guys. I wanted to take them back to his house, but I also knew I'd break down crying. My mom ended up suggesting it so I did it anyways. Andddd I was right. Broke down crying. I was so glad I went though, because I didn't get to say goodbye to Ayla and Xander who I really actually love. I felt like they were my little niece and nephew...I actually am going to miss them a lot. Spending a couple hours every day playing with them has actually made this summer the best I have every had.

I know. Shocker.

Mikaylie--the anti child person actually enjoys kids now. Well that's half way true, only certain kids. Benny's nieces and nephews just happen to be the cutest kids on Earth. And Maya, the new baby? So beautiful. It makes me want a baby so bad.

WHICH IS BAD BECAUSE I AM EIGHTEEN !!!

But I am grateful for them in my life. And I really do want kids now. Which really screws up my plan to not buy a minivan. Because now I think I'd be okay with more than 3.

(I say this now, but once I have 3 I will be dying and struggling to be a good mom)

Holy tangents haha!

I forgot what I was talking about for a second and then I remembered lol.

Well......the countdown begins:


I other events, this is the cleanest/emptiest my room has ever been! I can't wait to get my own permanent room so I can actually make it cute haha. This room I just gave up on because I really did not want to paint it white. Eventually my house will be decorated really well, but for now that room is pretty bare (and clashes with brown, black, white, and gray haha). My dorm room in Hawaii will probably be on the same level....just don't have the money or time to decorate it. It just doesn't make sense when I will be super busy, spending minimal time in it, and leaving in 8 months...also I didn't have room to bring stuff in my suitcase.

Anyways, I packed up a lot of my stuff. Can't wait to get my own place. That will seriously not be for a long long time which sucks.



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